Kyra Cornelius Kramer

A Lionheart is No Substitute for Antibiotics

Richard I of England, more famously known by his moniker Richard the Lionheart, died on 6 April 1199 as the result of an infected arrow wound.

One of the enduring mysteries to me is WHY Richard was such a popular king in his lifetime. In the decade of his reign he spent about 6 months in England, taxed the country to pay for the Third Crusade ( yet another attempt to steal riches from Muslim Arabs disguised as a ‘holy’ war during which history says the king had ‘important victories’ but honestly Richard lost to Saladin because he never retook Jerusalem), and failed to leave an heir. Seriously, he lousy as anything other than a defender of Anglo-French territories and brutalising the people of France.

It’s also unfair that Richard was literally lionised while the other English king who shared his predilection for *ahem* “male companionship” was demonised. Edward II has gone down in mainstream (and thus homophobic) history as a limp-wristed pouf even though he fathered several legitimate kids and at least one premarital daughter, while Richard has been given the wink-wink-nudge-nudge boys-will-be-boys treatment for his sexuality. Apparently, slaughtering people with a big sword makes you LESS ‘gay’ than a man who actually had sex with women. Golly, cultural construction of masculinity as inherently violent much?

The fact that Richard got held captive by Leopold V, the Duke of Austria and by Holy Roman Emperor Henry IV is also glossed over. This was a big deal in terms of hardship for England. “The emperor demanded that 150,000 marks (100,000 pounds of silver) be delivered to him before he would release the king, the same amount raised by the Saladin tithe only a few years earlier, and 2–3 times the annual income for the English Crown under Richard.”

The king’s mother, the hard-core Eleanor of Aquitaine was in charge of raising the ransom. The bulk of the gold was squeezed out of the Jewish community, who were protected by the crown by also enthralled by it. However, the Christian community was hit hard for the money as well. “Both clergy and laymen were taxed for a quarter of the value of their property, the gold and silver treasures of the churches were confiscated, and money was raised from the scutage and the carucage taxes.”

Money matters were made worse by the fact that Prince John, Richard’s younger brother and heir, and King Philip II of France colluded together and “offered 80,000 marks for the Emperor to hold Richard prisoner until Michaelmas 1194.” The emperor rejected John and Philip’s proposal, probably because he was appalled at such treachery, even in such treacherous times. When the Lionheart was freed on 4 February 1194, Philip sent John a message warning him: “Look to yourself; the devil is loose”.

A mere six years after he had bankrupted England to ransom his butt, King Richard was shot in the upper arm while lollygagging around the walls of a small castle his men were besieging. It was his own fault, since he was wasn’t wearing chain mail and laughing at the valiant defender on the castle wall at the time. However, the mocked archer nailed the mocking king, and the would turned septic. Richard the Lionheart, a decent military commander who sucked at almost all other aspects of kingship, died in his mothers arms roughly two weeks later of blood poisioning.

Richard was a bad king, but upon his death England would get one even worse — his little brother. King John then promptly lost the lands in Europe that Richard had spent his life defending and expanding.

In the end, Richard’s reign had been a massive waste of money and conquest. His bloodthirsty warmongering caused economic ruin and thousands of innocent lives were lost. Nonetheless, King Richard has been remembered fondly in England and even lauded in the present day. Just … why???